Tuesday 24th April

Writing this blog is making me feel better. It’s good to get my thoughts written down and I feel that I need to tell my side of the story. Then if my husband does ever kill me people will know what went on behind closed doors. Abuse usually does occur mainly behind closed doors. It’s only since things got really bad that the signs started to become evident in public. And even then to the onlooker it would only be a couple bickering, or me giving him the silent treatment and being standoffish. Yes, I did stop talking. I was silent sometimes. Because I honestly didn’t know what to say or how to react. I didn’t know what would make things worse. It was easier to be silent.
I’m sure that my husband has Othello Syndrome – also known as Pathological Jealousy or Morbid Jealousy.
Othello killed his wife because he believed she was having an affair. Apparently my husband is seeking professional help. He’s been promising to get help for years, so I won’t hold my breath. There have been times when he has had some insight into his problems with low self esteem and insecurity. At times he has appeared totally paranoid about what others think of him and I could help him sometimes to see how irrational his thinking was. But I couldn’t fix him. In fact I was the last person who could fix him. I am his main obsession. He wants to possess me and I don’t want to be possessed. It’s a power struggle that can never end well.
I feel so much happier away from him. I can breathe again.