Rocky road

I never expected this to be easy, but I didn’t expect it to be quite so hard.

My thoughts are dominated by my ex. I want to just forget about him, at least for a few minutes each day. But he’s been there if not in the front of my mind, then at the back at least, for most of my waking hours over the past few days.

I want to get to the point where I feel no love and no hate for him. Just nothing. At the moment hate is the prevailing emotion. I’m frustrated with him that he’s still living in the marital home. It must be nice having no mortgage and being able to afford a foreign trip with your 3 children without their mother. Bitter, moi? Yes, I’m bloody bitter. I’m furious. I’m livid.

But I need to switch off these emotions because right now I’m letting him win. I’m worth more than this.

I need to feel nothing towards him. Like a plant.