Pleased with myself

This morning I woke feeling terrible as I had an appointment booked with my therapist/counsellor at 11am and I really didn’t want to go.

I dragged myself out of bed at 8am and took the dog for a walk and then didn’t know what to do with myself while I waited for the time to leave for the appointment. I felt so low and hopeless.

However, I did go to the appointment. I’d been dreading talking through everything with my therapist. I’ve been trying not to cry all week and I knew I’d cry. When I got there I felt awful but as we talked I felt my mood lift – like a cloud dispersing.

Straight after the appointment I decided to make the most of the change in mood, so I went for a swim. On the way back I dropped in at the clinic near my house and booked in with a physio for next week – I need to get my leg sorted so I can run again. I miss running so much. At the moment I can run a short distance about once a week, but right now the back of my knee is sore. I need it fixing.

Taking advantage of my lifted mood this afternoon I helped my daughter move into her new flat. I came home and made myself a nice tea.

I’m currently watching a movie on Netflix.

I never expected today to turn out so well. I woke up feeling so awful. It just goes to show that even if I wake up feeling totally crap the day can still turn out well.

This girl can

Today I did something I feel proud of, something that was difficult.

I drove 100 miles, ran a tough 16 mile trail race and drove home again.

I’ve done that sort of thing plenty of times before, but the difference this time was that I did it completely on my own. I didn’t know anyone else who was running, I came home to an empty house.

I feel proud of myself.

If I can conquer mountains by myself I can do anything.

Survival

The last 23 years have been about survival. I remember right at the beginning of our relationship being on holiday and feeling an overwhelming sense of being trapped. When I suffered my 3rd and worst episode of postnatal mental illness I took up running. Running gave me freedom. I could literally run away from my husband and I did on at least 2 occasions. I’m faster than him.running-runner-long-distance-fitness-40751.jpeg