Back to normal

Day 16 of Covid today.

Feeling more like myself. Started back running 3 days ago. I was still feeling a bit ill at the time, aching muscles and fatigued, but the sun was shining on Friday morning and I couldn’t help myself.

I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed a run quite so much.

I’d convinced myself a week ago that I’d never run again. I’ve read so many stories from people with long covid who used to run and cycle but 2 years later they still can’t.

Obviously I might still relapse (apparently).

So many people have warned me not to overdo it, take it slowly.

But right now I’m loving being out in the open air running through fields and woods with my dog.

Pleased with myself

This morning I woke feeling terrible as I had an appointment booked with my therapist/counsellor at 11am and I really didn’t want to go.

I dragged myself out of bed at 8am and took the dog for a walk and then didn’t know what to do with myself while I waited for the time to leave for the appointment. I felt so low and hopeless.

However, I did go to the appointment. I’d been dreading talking through everything with my therapist. I’ve been trying not to cry all week and I knew I’d cry. When I got there I felt awful but as we talked I felt my mood lift – like a cloud dispersing.

Straight after the appointment I decided to make the most of the change in mood, so I went for a swim. On the way back I dropped in at the clinic near my house and booked in with a physio for next week – I need to get my leg sorted so I can run again. I miss running so much. At the moment I can run a short distance about once a week, but right now the back of my knee is sore. I need it fixing.

Taking advantage of my lifted mood this afternoon I helped my daughter move into her new flat. I came home and made myself a nice tea.

I’m currently watching a movie on Netflix.

I never expected today to turn out so well. I woke up feeling so awful. It just goes to show that even if I wake up feeling totally crap the day can still turn out well.

This girl can

Today I did something I feel proud of, something that was difficult.

I drove 100 miles, ran a tough 16 mile trail race and drove home again.

I’ve done that sort of thing plenty of times before, but the difference this time was that I did it completely on my own. I didn’t know anyone else who was running, I came home to an empty house.

I feel proud of myself.

If I can conquer mountains by myself I can do anything.

Survival

The last 23 years have been about survival. I remember right at the beginning of our relationship being on holiday and feeling an overwhelming sense of being trapped. When I suffered my 3rd and worst episode of postnatal mental illness I took up running. Running gave me freedom. I could literally run away from my husband and I did on at least 2 occasions. I’m faster than him.