Life goes on

Another Christmas, another New Year out of the way.

I took my girls away for a weekend at the beginning of December. That was our Christmas. It was a fabulous weekend and it snowed which made it magical.

Christmas Day was strange. My man was ill with a horrible virus so I didn’t see much of him all day. And he was soo grumpy when he did appear. So me and the dog partied by ourselves in the kitchen. My girls were at their dad’s. That’s become the routine for Christmas now. He’s on his own so they don’t want him to be by himself.

I cried a lot at the end of Christmas Day. Christmas makes me very emotional these days. It’s the memories of Christmasses past and the fact that I don’t see my girls.

I am very happy in my relationship with my partner now. We both have a lot of demons from our past but we talk very openly about everything. We’re living together permanently now. He’s very messy and he’s filled my house with all of his crap but it doesn’t bother me. Things and stuff don’t matter, it’s the people in your life that matter.

Right now I feel very content and hopeful for 2024. Even with all the shit going on in the world.

Back to normal

Day 16 of Covid today.

Feeling more like myself. Started back running 3 days ago. I was still feeling a bit ill at the time, aching muscles and fatigued, but the sun was shining on Friday morning and I couldn’t help myself.

I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed a run quite so much.

I’d convinced myself a week ago that I’d never run again. I’ve read so many stories from people with long covid who used to run and cycle but 2 years later they still can’t.

Obviously I might still relapse (apparently).

So many people have warned me not to overdo it, take it slowly.

But right now I’m loving being out in the open air running through fields and woods with my dog.

My marriage is officially over

Today, at long last, I received my decree absolute, 2 years after I left my ex-husband.

I feel like celebrating one minute then I feel sad, I feel lost, then relieved, I feel scared, I feel free – I’m all over the place. I’ve spent 2 years waiting for this day and now that it’s here it feels like a huge anticlimax.

I have to remind myself that today is the last day of my marriage but the first day of my new life.

Reasons to be cheerful

Sometimes it can feel like the whole world is against you. It certainly feels like it for me at the moment.

As well as all of the divorce stress, in the past few months I have been a victim of identity theft and have lost almost £2,700. I am stuck in a situation where HSBC and PayPal both say it’s the other one’s responsibility to pay me the money back. I am probably going to have to involve the Financial Ombudsman. I could really do with the money at the moment with the huge bills I have to pay every month to my solicitor.

Also I crashed my car into my gate 2 weeks ago and wrecked the rear wheel arch. It’s in the garage being repaired. It is the 5th time I have damaged my car in my drive over the past 2 years. I joked with the owner of the garage that they should give me a loyalty card. Again, I could really do with money to pay for the repair.

With all the crap going on in my life I must keep reminding myself of the good things.

So, here are some of the good things in no particular order: –

My children and grandchildren

My boyfriend

My girlfriends

My dog

My house

My car (!)

My job

A run with friends

A run on my own

Swimming at the local pool

My garden and the little birds who visit it

Walks with my dog, walking through fields and woodland

The smell of freshly washed bed linen

Good food and wine

Bingeworthy box sets

A good book

Chocolate

A hot cup of coffee

When it’s raining look for rainbows.