Today, at long last, I received my decree absolute, 2 years after I left my ex-husband.
I feel like celebrating one minute then I feel sad, I feel lost, then relieved, I feel scared, I feel free – I’m all over the place. I’ve spent 2 years waiting for this day and now that it’s here it feels like a huge anticlimax.
I have to remind myself that today is the last day of my marriage but the first day of my new life.
I feel free. I feel like I want to tell the world.
My solicitor just rang to warn me that it’s absolutely normal to feel euphoric right now, but that my mood might crash in the next few days. At least I know.
I do feel very tired. The horrible churning of anxiety has gone. I felt it going as the proceedings went on this morning.
I know there’s still shit to get through. We have to sell the house. He has to sell the business. I’ll get half of both. I’ll get a lump sum from him in the next few days. He’ll get some of my pension (unless he dies in the next 4 months).
It’s nearly over and I’ve managed to survive it. On my own, with the dog. I’ve had to drug him so the fireworks won’t distress him – we got some medication from the vet so he’s really chilled.
Today hasn’t been easy. I’ve cried twice – proper sobbing from deep inside. But I have got through it.
I made myself a delicious tea – homemade nut roast for one, roast potatoes and broccoli in cheese sauce. It was lovely. Then I had Christmas pudding for dessert, followed by chocolate truffles and Bailey’s. I watched 2 films on Netflix – the second one was about learning to love being single. It’s just what I needed.
I am going to be ok. I will get through this.
Right now I’m determined to get to sleep before the fireworks begin.
I’ve been getting feelings of emptiness and loneliness for the past few weeks now, so rather than feeling sorry for myself I’ve done something about it. I reached out to a friend who separated from her husband a few years ago and we went out for supper.
I told her about an idea I’d had to set up a local social group for single people and she thought it was a great idea.
So, I’ve started by messaging all the
Facebook friends that I know who are single to invite them to join. I’ve had 2 replies. So our new group has been born – just 4 of us so far. It’s a start.